The Facts 101

Getting Real.

1. I am your typical first born child. I am bossy controlling organized 

2. I love music. I listen to some kind all day long.On the opposite side of that, I have no musical talent but would love to play the piano or sing. 

3. I am super competitive. I get that from both sides of my family. its in my blood. I yell, I cheer loud, I get upset when my team looses, I hate when people talk smack about my team. I love sports. I played Basketball for 1 season (in 6th Grade) and then I retired...three reasons, 1) I have no ability to dribble the ball and run at the same time...I can do those things separate just fine.. but don't ask me to do them together. 2) I scored ONE basket in my life time....and it was in the other teams basket, who knew it changed sides after half time?!!? (again I was young people!) 3) I tend to lean towards anger and when people "steal" the ball or "block" my pass, I get this URGE to push them down or punch them and well that doesn't really work in life or basketball.. so it was better this way. ONE AND DONE!

4. I love Running. Its a part of me and has been for a lot of years now. Its my outlet to a bad day, or stress, its more then just running its about becoming a better me, physically, mentally and spiritually out there. I worship, I pray , I talk , BUT please don't think its all fun and games out there, I am competitive (see above) to a fault and push myself and "encourage " myself to run further and faster. 

5.   I am a Disney Freak. I mean I LOVE Disneyland . I would go every year,I would have a yearly pass. I have been to Disneyland 6 times and feel like its not enough. I can not wait to take my girls and (all the future children) to the best place every!

6. I think like most moms I struggle with " Mom Guilt" ... the never making it, or reaching it, BUT what is "IT" ??
 I feel like myself and other moms put this unattainable goal of what a mom looks like or acts like," someone who has it all put together, all the time." and we try so hard to reach it and then get discouraged when we don't. BUT I am learning that we are created differently we all come into parenthood with different skill sets and abilities and being a mom is not a competition its a lifestyle and becoming comfortable in Who you are as a woman and as a mom. 

7. I struggled with Postpartum Depression after My first daughter (Reagan) was born. I couldn't nurse,  that was strike one. She had bad Acid Re-flux and the formula situation was a hot mess, which means I was a hot mess , nothing worked. strike 2. I pretended i wasn't sad , that I had it "all together" I pushed myself to "come back" after pregnancy in full force, not accounting that my life had forever changed, that it wasn't just ME anymore. Strike 3. My case was not as bad as some, but it was there. I pretended it wasn't, i lied to myself and to my husband and held in the tears and fears and the constant mind battle of feeling guilty for having PPD , which is so backwards and twisted. Finally after about 6 months I told my midwife at a doctor apt. I broke down and cried. She sat with me for 50 minutes. We made a game plan to get back to "normal" or at least a new normal with baby. i wrote out simple things like 
1. Go on a walk with Reagan
2. Don't feel bad for going for a run. its good for you!
3. Go on a date with just tom once a month
4. Go out once a month with friends (with out baby) 
5. ASK FOR HELP if I need it with Reagan and not to feel bad about it.

And it worked, by 8 months i felt like myself again, I stopped putting the pressure and guilt on. I am so thankful for people who invested in my life and my daughters during that hard time and thankful the Lord brought me through stronger. 

Being a mom is messy, lets face it, being a human is messy!!
 we have bad days, we have good days, we get emotional and worked up over small things,  we should put our-self in time outs more then we would like to admit. We make mistakes.
 I am thankful for Gods Grace that is new every morning. And that EVERY day I wake up to a new and fresh start, to do it different, to make different choices. To be a good mom, and love my husband, daughter, family , friends more then I did yesterday.

Nicole 

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