Its funny how fast you forget what lack of sleep you get with a newborn. Even though you swear you will never forget that feeling of no sleep, bags under your eyes, complete and utter exhaustion .
-But the feeling of that little baby sleeping on your chest....makes it okay.
Oh the emotions...the hormones....the ups and downs those first few
-But then you think of how special this little baby is, and how you would give up everything for this new life, and then the crying stops and the smiles come. (ups and downs people...its real)
The Night sweats...if you have never been blessed with these absolutely disgusting things you are LUCKY.
Waking up , I am hot mess.....Drenched in sweat, like I just ran a marathon, hair everywhere, drool because when I do sleep, I sleep hard, my sweet husband still says I am beautiful, like the day we got married, he is good to me :)
(he knows about the hormone roller-coaster and stays far away from that! smart man)
- the water weight is leaving , so I guess I can handle night sweats.....maybe.
Feeling like a milk cow.....because pretty much that is all you do for the first month or three. my baby phone app says I spend almost 5 hours a day feeding her. . .
-But the joy and bonding I get with her, surpasses those hours spent just sitting doing nothing.
Diaper changes, outfit changes, checking to see if the baby is breathing (I am paranoid) , swaddling, putting the pacie back in the mouth, taking a shower, trying to find time between two kids to do your hair, learning your new routine......
I fall in love with it over and over again.
Showers have never felt so good, they solve so many problems , you wake up and start fresh, no matter what you say at 3 am and how tired you are and want to give up breast feeding, you want to just SLEEP through the night, the morning has a way of washing it all away. ITS HIS GRACE, I am confident of that. Learning to balance a 2 year old and a new born, has its challenges but I love both of them more then the day before. . . Knowing I cant do it on my own strength, and learning to lean and trust on the Lord even more then I have every had to, is a beautiful thing.
I am so blessed , I am so grateful, I am so honored to be their mama. don't get me wrong I am tired, I am worn out, I am on my last straw by 6pm , I struggle to find the balance between playing out side with Reagan or taking a nap...But I am right were I am suppose to be. And all is right in my world, with my family of 4.
xoxo
Nicole
