A Birth Story.

Finley Isabel,

My sweet, beautiful Finley. Your birth was perfect, your entrance into the world was peaceful and calm and so right.
When we found out you were in my belly, we were beyond thrilled. Baby Brittingham was coming and joining our sweet Reagan. we found out the end of May, and had to keep a big secret for awhile. I was really sick morning , noon and night with you, which is a great sign of a healthy pregnancy. But in June, I started to have some pain, some really bad cramping and intense "buckle over in pain" cramps. I called my doctor and they told me it was "normal" stretching of my belly. I went up to Seattle to see our family and things got worse, I was scared and away from home, and didn't know what to do. I called the doctor again and they told me that I might be loosing you. It was so hard and scary, but nothing they could do...so we prayed.
Three days later I was on my way home in so much pain but you were still with us. By the next morning things were bad , Daddy took us to the ER because the doctor wanted to check if my appendix was okay and if you were still in my belly. As we waited in the Emergency room for what felt like days, we prayed.
 
As they hooked me up to monitors and machines, and took my blood to the lab, and pushed on my stomach and asked me millions of questions, they were skeptical of you. After ultrasounds later that night we saw you in my belly a perfect little baby the size of a blueberry. we couldn't hear your heart yet although it was beating, we knew you were there. They kept me in the hospital and began to prepare me for a possible appendectomy. They informed us that I had swelling and fluid in my abdomen and that they were 80% sure it was my appendix , but couldn't be 100% because they couldn't do a CAT scan due to being pregnant, so they were going in blind. They informed us that , if we did the surgery the chances of a little 8 week old baby would be not be good, that you might not make it through surgery in my belly, the doctors talked and discussed, and we prayed. 

They left us alone in the room and daddy turned on my favorite song and we prayed, we sang, we cried, we worshiped.
The doctors decided to wait to do surgery, I was in so much pain all night and at 2am I sobbed,, I needed medicine but couldn't have any, Daddy laid his hands on my belly and instantly my pain went away, my stomach stopped hurting. The doctors were shocked. BUT we were not.
You were meant to live!

 we found out that the sack that carried you in my belly had ruptured and that I needed to take some vitamins to keep you healthy and growing. The medicine made me super sick for the entire month of June and July. But you were alive, healthy and growing.  

A WARRIOR . A FIGHTER . A MIRACLE .

At 34 weeks you tried to come, it was early, too early. They talked about sending us to a big hospital with a NICU to help you once you were born. We prayed.
The doctors kept us over night and monitored your heart and my contractions.

The next day they sent us home on bed rest for 2 weeks. It was a hard but sweet two weeks of being home with you kicking in my belly and your sister reading and playing with me. you stayed put until 39 weeks and 2 days!
It was Superbowl Sunday and I felt funny, I felt done being pregnant , and growing impatient to kiss your sweet cheeks. I went in and got checked during the superbowl thinking my water had broken, and even though the doctors said it didn't I truly believe it had started to leak. I came home and was in pain, and the contractions started. I was up most of the night, I took a shower and washed my hair (I needed to look good for when you came), but by 7 am the contractions faded out. I ran 2 miles on the treadmill and then we went to Aunt Cassi's house and while sitting in her house the contractions stated again, but this time they hurt, and they were close together. We made cookies, I breathed through contractions, I sat on the birthing ball and contracted, she asked if I was okay, I smiled and said yes, we ate lunch I was I pretending I wasn't in labor, she knew better!!!
Around 11:30 I was so uncomfortable I left, in the 10 min it took me to get home, I had three contractions that took my breath away. I decided to call your dad, who instantly asked if I had talked to my doctor. I was in denial. I said no, I had been having contractions for weeks this was not it.....DENIAL .
By 12:30 my contractions were 2-3 min apart and I was in pain and in rout to the hospital. Still thinking they were going to send me home because I was not in labor yet. we got there and they told me I was not far enough along, and had me walk the hallways.
we walked.....and walked. I made your dad do stairs with me, we did 15 sets of stairs, and lunges through the hallways, and yes people looked at us like we were crazy, but I was not going to be sent home.....
About 45 min later my contractions were 1 min apart and I could bearly make it back to the room. The nurse checked me and said I hand progressed but not enough, and my water hadn't broke (it did) and to wait for the doctor, and as she said that the doctor came in and saw 2 big contractions and said "you are staying and your water broke, you are in labor, lets have a baby" my heart was over joyed. YOU WERE COMING!!!!
We figured out you were facing the wrong way (Sunnyside up) ouch for back labor. your Nana and Dad laid hands on my belly and told you to flip, 30 min later on my hands and knees you flipped, we heard you on the monitor moving, it was amazing.
It was about 7pm you Auntie was on her way , nana went to the store and my contractions were getting worse, still about 1 min apart. I stood, I walked, I breathed through and fought through the pain, because you were coming. I just kept thinking this is happening so fast, I was in labor with Reagan for 2 days, but what if this takes 2 days, I cant keep this up.
you Auntie got there and rubbed my legs and they checked me I was at a 5 around 8:30ish,  I got into the bath tub to help ease the pain, I was in there for about 10 min and I felt the need to push. but I was not going to tell anyone because I wanted pain meds, I mean if I was only at a 5 I can not keep this up with out them, I asked for a shot of medicine, they had me get out of the tub and by the time I got back into bed I wanted an epidural, the pain was unbelievable, I had never had real contractions before (with Reagan I had Pitocin , to help start labor and never progressed and then got an epidural) this was intense.
By the time the anesthesiologist came I needed to push so bad, but again I said nothing ( I wanted the meds, one day you will understand )  , there is no way I was at a  10 It had only been about 50 mins since they said I was a 5!!! They gave me the meds and it didn't work, I could move and I was shaking and felt everything, the anesthesiologist told them to check because she knew I needed to push. we shared a secret smile, she knew and understood.
I was at a 10 and it was time.

A few details I remember at that moment I never want to forget, it was like time stood still for a few minutes for me to take it all in.

-your Auntie praying
-your daddy looking at me and smiling ,we high fived and kissed and then said "lets do this"
-your nana standing by my side
-taking a deep breath and knowing my life was about to change, that I was going to meet this beautiful little girl who fought in my belly to live, who God had protected and who has such a future ahead of her
-hearing that your mema was waiting for you outside

even now I tear up remembering those few things.

You came 15 min later, I watched you come, I helped you out , your nana and auntie and Dad all saw you , and your beautiful dark hair and big cheeks . You my dear were perfect.  you were what I dreamed about, a dark haired little girl, all 6 pounds 13 ounces of you.
The meds never took affect, but it didn't matter, you came out and as you laid on my chest with your pouty little lip and looked around the room, you whined and blew bubbles just like your sister did, you looked so much like her but so much like your own little person too. My heart doubled in size . The rest of the night went so fast, I couldn't wrap my  mind around the fact that you came, and fast, and we held you in the quite room after nana, mema and your auntie Noelle left, just me you and daddy, we took our time figuring out your name, our sweet girl, and we knew it was:

Finley- which means, Warrior
Isabel - pledged to God

                                                        the day I went into labor

 

 

 

      * My camera was having a hard time taking pictures, and the low lighting didn't help, but I am so grateful I have these, even if they are grainy I have my birth pictures. :)

I am head over heels in love with you Finley. I think every mom asks
"how can you love another baby like you love your first?!" and the answer is easy, your love doesn't fade for your first to make room for the new one, it grows, it double in size. you are so loveable and calm, and easy. you love to cuddle and be next to us . You love your sister already so much, if you hear her talking you find her in the room. you my baby are our perfect little gift.
I will love you forever!
"on the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you, life will never be the same , because there has never been anyone like you, ever in the world."  -Nancy Tillman


your
Mama.

The Rambelings of a Postpartum Mama....

......

Its funny how fast you forget what lack of sleep you get with a newborn. Even though you swear you will never forget that feeling of no sleep, bags under your eyes, complete and utter exhaustion .

-But the feeling of that little baby sleeping on your chest....makes it okay.

Oh the emotions...the hormones....the ups and downs those first few days weeks back home. Its like a flood gate opened after all those wonderful hormones have been stored up for 9 months just come rushing out all at once. Its a roller-coaster

-But then you think of how special this little baby is, and how you would give up everything for this new life, and then the crying stops and the smiles come.  (ups and downs people...its real)

The Night sweats...if you have never been blessed with these absolutely disgusting things you are LUCKY. 
Waking up , I am hot mess.....Drenched in sweat, like I just ran a marathon, hair everywhere, drool because when I  do sleep, I  sleep hard, my sweet husband still says I am beautiful, like the day we got married, he is good to me :)
(he knows about the hormone roller-coaster and stays far away from that! smart man)

-  the water weight is leaving , so I guess I can handle night sweats.....maybe.

Feeling like a milk cow.....because pretty much that is all you do for the first month or three. my baby phone app says I spend almost 5 hours a day feeding her. . .

-But the joy and bonding I get with her, surpasses those hours spent just sitting doing nothing.

Diaper changes, outfit changes, checking to see if the baby is breathing  (I am paranoid) , swaddling, putting the pacie back in the mouth, taking a shower, trying to find time between two kids to do your hair, learning your new routine......

I fall in love with it over and over again.
Showers have never felt so good, they solve so many problems , you wake up and start fresh, no matter what you say at 3 am and how tired you are and want to give up breast feeding, you want to just SLEEP through the night, the morning has a way of washing it all away. ITS HIS GRACE, I am confident of that. Learning to balance a 2 year old and a new born, has its challenges but I love both of them more then the day before. . . Knowing I cant do it on my own strength, and learning to lean and trust on the Lord even more then I have every had to, is a beautiful thing.

I am so blessed , I am so grateful, I am so honored to be their mama. don't get me wrong I am tired, I am worn out, I am on my last straw by 6pm , I struggle to find the balance between playing out side with Reagan or taking a nap...But I am right were I am suppose to be.  And all is right in my world, with my family of 4.

xoxo
Nicole

The Next Thing.

 Waiting....

How many seasons of life do we wait for or in? 
Waiting in those hard seasons makes it feel extra long, like you are taking forever to get to your "destination" 
We wait for, jobs, promotions, children, more children, adoption, marriage, school, dating, to lose weight, to get married, houses... the list goes on and on. So many things we feel like we should have right now, or get and then we wait. "The Hurry up and wait scenario..."

I have always been an impatient person, I want what I want and I want it now. Hahah wow that sounds so selfish. But its the truth. 

I remember being 16 and could not wait to graduate, because it was the "next big thing" in my life. Then after graduation I was soooo ready to meet an amazing man and get married...again it was the next stage of life. Then it was to buy a house, and then it was to start a family, and now it is wanting to get this baby girl out of very big belly. Next is to buy another house. 
Why cant I be content where I am? Why is it so important to me to have the next thing now? 

My goal, or whatever you would like to call it, is to live in the moment, the season. To absorb what today is, not what tomorrow can be. To love the mundane the everyday, because its the foundation to the tomorrows. I want to be present in this day (even if its boring- lets face it some days are super long and boring) 
The next chapter in my life will be great, but I do not want to miss this one, because even in this very crazy and challenging season I am in, soon to have 2 under 2 in a one bedroom house, figuring out what our next step is and that everyday feels like a battle field of cheerios on the floor, the toys that just jump out of toy boxes that you just picked up , the crying, the instruction I give my almost 2 year old every day and she run the other way...the rice that sticks to every surface of the house, no matter how many times I sweep, the same movie " the late nights , the early mornings, the reheated coffee cup I find in the microwave from yesterday... TRENCHES people. 
But to find the beauty in it, because I know in my heart that it will go fast and I WILL MISS IT. No matter what season we are in, no matter how hard, how long we have been in it, or how much longer we will be there, the goal is to start new everyday and find the peace and joy. 

The Little moments. First Bowling Experience 

Happy Friday Friends!!!
Nicole 

Rocking in the new year.

My name is Nicole. 
I am a Type A personality, I am a planner, a goals and list kind of girl. I like, no I LOVE to be organized and prepared. I am a tad on the OCD side, and I am okay with that. 

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with our second baby, another little girl. And with this pregnancy I have been so calm, so relaxed, and just laid back, not a care in the world....this is not me.  I can not make a decision to save my life, nothing feels right or sounds right. Not a type of couch I wanted to purchase, or where or what I want to eat, I have no desire to pack my hospital bag (I packed my bag at 30 weeks with my first, I was ready to go!) BUT the worst, np NAME for our daughter. I have changed my list of names, about 15 times, taken names off, put them back on, changed the middle name, hated it....its still all up in the air.

I plan and prepare what birth will be like and who will be there , what i will be wearing, i visualize what it will take to get to the hospital and be prepared with our stuff and everything in its place, so I can focus on the goal ahead. ... See OCD. 

Well December 31st i woke up with flu like symptoms , was having tons of braxton hicks through out the day. Headache, and all the bathroom fun stuff that comes with the flu, back pain ,not the back pain of pregnancy , no this was labor back pain, We went and celebrated the New Years with a few close friends, stayed up till midnight (not sure how) but I felt terrible. New years day just got worse. around 5pm my Husband suggested I call our midwife and ask what she thinks. They suggested I come in to get hydrated, get some fluids in my body to help stop the "braxton hicks" i was having. You know when you just know you dont feel right, like something is wrong....that is how i felt. But I am so worried about being "the girl who cried wolf" that I ignore how i feel sometimes.

we headed into Labor and delivery around 7 . they put us in an out patient room , hooked me up to monitors, babies heart rate was great, she is a warrior this one! but my "braxton hicks" were actually real contractions. And they were getting closer together.
my tests came back and i wasn't dehydrated , they were not sure what started this at this point, BUT I was progressing.

Around 11pm we were informed that if there was more change we would be sent in an ambulance to a bigger hospital that had a NICU because I was in full labor and baby was coming. I was 34 weeks and 5 days. our hospital does not deliver there until 36 weeks, when babies don't need a NICU. 

As she was saying all of this, it was a surreal experience, my lack of planning ......we had nothing with us or even packed at home, no name, it was too early, she is so small, her lungs , leaving her in NICU while I go home , an ambulance ride is so expensive. 
So many emotions and thoughts flooding my mind, a simple prayer of "God protect my baby" I knew HE was in charge and in control, and then i felt peace. 

Thank the Lord there was no change as far as dilating is concerned. So no transfer at this point. we got a room and stayed for 24 hours being monitored , contractions real and there but for now she is staying put. And I was put on semi bed rest/ pelvic rest to try and keep contractions down and baby girl in for at least one more week. Having an almost 2 year old is impossible to stay down, any mom knows that, having any kid any age means you are on call around the clock. Food, drinks, snacks, diaper changes, house cleaning, laundry....its a fine line for me finding the balance between doing too much and not taking care of the baby in my belly and doing too little and not taking care of Reagan. 7 more days...I can do this, with the Lords help. 

Needless to say we came home and packed, we purchased a few items we needed and are ready for her , still no name...but at least we will have clothes to wear in the hospital . (priorities right)

So here is to staying low and cooking this little one, getting her fattened up so she can come home with us! 

Nicole.